Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
