meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
