Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize