What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
