I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
