I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
