Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The air was thick with penises
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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