You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
