when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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