Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Semen is not good for contacts.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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