Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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