it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
