hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
