Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
