I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
