I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
