I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
