The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
