On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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