I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
