Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
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