Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
