I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
