We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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