he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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