im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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