so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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