God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
