is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
