Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
