Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
