i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Randomize
