gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
