i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
