his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
