A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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