I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
