I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
