I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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