rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
