Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
