Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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