They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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