you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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