This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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