i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
