I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
