I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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