i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
