bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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