Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
