I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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