There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
