I must be too annoying 4 u.
this boner is exhausting
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can I color on your dick again?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
