I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize