My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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