I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
