Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
