i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
