i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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