So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
