Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
